There is a focus on mental health and LBGTQ and BAME communities are, more often, central to the conversation. However, there is still apprehensiveness when it comes to men at the centre. “Globally, suicide rates in men are just over twice as high as for women…. [in] Eastern Europe, it’s 6 to 7 times higher” (World Health Organization, 2017). These statistics, though seemingly accurate, are not straightforward and detached from any comprehensive examination of psychology and society, mental health cannot be improved. In any case, what shouldn’t be ignored are the voices that we rarely hear.
I spoke to four men working within mental health services to gain their perspective on the unheard voices of their counterparts and how to support them.
Some responses have been edited for clarity.
Dr Oliver Sindall, Clinical Psychologist
“In the 20 years I’ve worked in mental health, the guys I’ve helped have believed that sharing difficult thoughts and feelings makes them vulnerable and weak. That belief comes with a feeling of shame and guilt. This has long been understood as the reason male suicide often comes without warning signs. This means that as a society, and as families, we are still sending the message to boys that they need to ‘man up’. This needs to change. Parents and teachers can do this by providing positive feedback/reinforcement when children share how they feel. If you can get a gold star for tidying up, why not get one for telling grown-ups how you feel? It’s important for dads, uncles, cousins and other male figures in a child’s life to model how to be open about difficult emotions. Children are sponges. They absorb everything and boys especially look up to the men in their lives. Show them that negative feelings and reactions are normal and that talking with others can really help. We need to introduce mental health and managing emotions into school curriculums. If all children had a basic understanding of how our brains can react to the world and how normal this is, there would be far less stigma throughout society.”
Sean Liddell, Mindfulness practitioner and coach.
“We go to men in their workplaces and settings like the pub to make the conversations easier. We also have a safe place for men to come and sit down and talk if they want to. We have several people with lived experiences of suicide-survival, depression and anxiety for them to listen to and talk with, and to hear how getting help made them stronger men, not weaker. How ‘manning up’ does not work and instead, how we should be the best team by sharing what is happening with us.”
John Kenny, Speaker, author and Interpersonal relationship coach.
“We need to be open about ourselves and to move away from perceived and taught beliefs.”
Russell Stilwell, Founder and Managing Director of RSE and Mates in Mind ambassador
“Speaking and opening up is often the first hurdle for people suffering from mental health issues. I believe that we need to create an open culture where speaking about our emotions is the norm. We need to create a support system that sufferers feel they can go to at any time. There is still a stigma when it comes to suicide and mental health issues amongst men, compared to women – we still have a long way to go to solve this. We need action. We need change. Over generations, men have been programmed to disconnect from their emotions so as not to look vulnerable and emasculated. I have had my own battles with depression, and through my own willingness to create awareness and open up I have seen a slight change towards how men perceive their mental health. However, it’s important that we continue shining a light on the topic.”
Championing for better mental health, for more awareness and to open up a dialogue around the area is no easy feat. We tread. Too carefully sometimes. There is still an ever pressing idea that to have a mental health illness disallows someone to live a ‘normal’ life, to laugh, to function and to maintain relationships. Of course this can be the case but it is not the general way of life of everyone who’s fighting an unseen battle. Anxiety, like other mental health terms, is one that’s used rather loosely and though more prominent in society today, it is still somewhat misunderstood. Part of my own choice to not discuss my mental health for the best part of six years came from the misconceptions I heard around me.
These conversations can seem superficial on the surface as they barely scrape the surface of the discussions that need to happen, but at the same time, they highlight the need for openness. They allow people and entire communities to open their minds as well as their voices for a better future. Surely that’s where we need to be aiming for?
Other Reads by Marianna Michael on Mental Health
- An ode to my blue coat – thebreakdown.co.uk
- Control your fear by embracing it – Thought Catalog
- 8 things to keep in mind when you’re trying to let go – Thought Catalog
- A gentle reminder to stop forcing your recovery – Thought Catalog
- You won’t die from Anxiety in Paris – Vocal Media
Marianna Michael 